Bad News

I am on Cloud Four

Free Poster

Just hit "print" and you can hang this one right above your grandmother's mildewed bidet. She'll thank you for it. Mocha!

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Superior Quality

Everybody knows celibacy is better than plague. But Bill couldn't abstain if his very life depended on it. Now he's using Window Chicken, which is supposedly twice as effective as condoms, and five times more effective than masturbating into a garbage can. Also, he says, "It's better than when they stick a red hot wire up my pee hole." Score one more point for the Sexual Revolution, baby.

Hi There. Why Don't We Toss the Salad?

Second Thoughts

Soylent Brown

Beant has returned from exile in New Delhi, and regretfully confirms the latest Gawker rumors: In response to the Indian famine, people are eating human innards.

Meme of the Day

Kate + 8 Digits

Now Kate is coming back to TLC. I am sad about this. Guri said he had heard Kate's next starring role was going to be in a "leaked sex tape" called Ass Tsunami MILF. This seemed more likely, since Kate is a human toilet and a media whore. But now that she's coming back to prime time, everybody loses. I hope ravens eat her eyes and larynx.

I'd Like to Teach the World...

Bill was saying something about euthanizing cats. He saw a TV commercial. He says he wants to send $30 a month to help find homes for these abandoned creatures, "to keep them off of  death row." I think Bill is a retard. I like the idea of euthanizing cats. Also, people shouldn't be worrying about feeding filthy critters as long as there are starving kids in the world.

Consumerism is Fun

 

 

Lettuce of Love

Beant and Guri are strict vegetarians now, and will be wearing this design on their shirts for the entirety of the summer.